On Your Wedding Day

Posted on April 22, 2010. Filed under: Uncategorized |

Today is your big day, though not for the reasons people might first believe.  It’s not your big day because you get to wear a beautiful dress, or because you’ll feel like a bride, or even because your nearest and dearest have come from all over to be with you.  It’s not your big day because you’re probably throwing the biggest event you’ll ever throw.  It’s not your big day because your vision will come to life, because your details will be perfect, or because the whole shebang will unfold just as you planned.

Today you’re making the kind of choice only adults make, the choice to tie the well-being of yourself as a single person to the success of yourself as part of a couple.  This is a big day!

From this day forward, you’ll have someone with whom to share the tiny moments that form a life.  You’ll be building a joint history with someone who is as much a main character as you are.  You’ll be frustrated beyond comprehension at the tiny things you have to give up, then grateful beyond words to have this person — this person who made the same choice you did — right next to you.

There will be times you’ll wonder if you made the right choice, if an easier partner might have come your way if you hadn’t.  You’ll worry that you’re not meant to be married.  Marriage is hard.

But c’mon, anything worth anything is hard, right?  Maybe not always difficult, but worthy of being cherished.  Perhaps it’s just my increasing age, but I feel loss much more acutely now than ever before.  I look at you and know that someday soon, I won’t get to see you as often as we’d like.  We’re at that point today, when all that stands between us and a girls’ lunch is schedules.  What happens when we have to surmount miles, too?

We’ll figure it out.  “No miles of any measure can separate your soul from mine,” said John Mu.  That’s us.

And you’ll find your way through your marriage, too, I don’t doubt, so you shouldn’t doubt either.  I don’t doubt you’re with the right man or making the right choice at the right time with the right reasons.

“A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words.” — Anonymous

So enjoy today.  Enjoy, breathe, feel – that’s my advice.  When things don’t go as you expected, remember you’re building memories here, made up of experiences, and every single thing that happens enriches.  Memories, after all, are more like movies than snapshots.  What fun is a movie without drama?

I’m going to let better writers than I wrap this up.  Know that I love you.  Know that you’re wonderful.  Enjoy the heck out of your day.

There is one friend in the life of each of us who seems not a separate person, however dear and beloved, but an expansion, an interpretation, of one’s self, the very meaning of one’s soul.  — Edith Wharton

“We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” — E. M. Forster

“To fall in love is easy, even to remain in it is not difficult; our human loneliness is cause enough. But it is a hard quest worth making to find a comrade through whose steady presence one becomes steadily the person one desires to be.” –Anna Louise Strong

Trouble is part of your life, and if you don’t share it, you don’t give the person who loves you enough chance to love you enough.  — Dinah Shore


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    About

    I’ve been there, done that, got the t-shirt (and divorce papers) to prove it. Here I am again, pledging my life to my (new) love with eyes wide open (and heart racing) knowing full well how emotionally traumatic this can end… and doing it anyway.

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