Revisiting a decision

Posted on August 10, 2008. Filed under: deciding, reality |

We have revisited (and re-decided) one of our first decisions. In fact, this decision is one of the first we made after deciding to get married. It went something like this:

Let’s get married!

Where? The Clearing behind our house!

When? October, since it’ll be too cold after that!

I’ve had a hard time coming to terms with this fact, but we have too much going on right now. We own two houses, one of which is undergoing major renovations. To compound the pressure, my family (and only my family) live far away, so we were feeling the need to get major work done on our new house before they can stay with us for the wedding. We just got a puppy, and neither of us has ever had a puppy before. J is majorly stressed by the pressure to finish up the work on the other house, and while I can do most of the puppy-raising on my own, I don’t want to plan a wedding on my own, and that’s how it was turning out.

I’d become one stressed out, grumpy, resentful woman at a time when we just don’t need any more stress. The reality is that we don’t have the time or the capacity to joyfully plan a wedding in two months. After much angst and soul-searching, we realized that what we want, more than anything, is to enjoy this whole thing, and imposing a short timeline upon ourselves puts that goal in serious jeopardy.

A great friend of mine advised me, back when I was going through some major drama, that some things can’t be expedited. “It’s a human process, not just a legal one, and those can’t be rushed.” As a project manager, I know that you can push through even the biggest task list or event by prioritizing and planning. However, as a bride, as a woman about to pledge her life to another, I need to take the time to let the process unfold. In addition to being a great party, a celebration of family, and an opportunity to profess your love and commitment to another person, getting married is also about the rite of passage from being single (I am responsible for myself, above all) to being a partner (I am responsible for us, and you, in addition to myself). Respecting the traditions, allowing them to guide you through the emotional aspects of being a bride – this is all important too.

And so, this weekend, my love and I decided to take more time in our engagement and get married next spring. We’re toying with the idea of getting married near our anniversary date (June 10), in fact. I am lucky enough to be loved by wonderful people, all of whom are supporting (and somewhat relieved by) this decision, even though they’re incurring some hefty airline fees.

I am now spending the weekend becoming accustomed to being engaged without the quickly-approaching wedding date looming. My fiance is mowing the grass at a leisurely pace. All is well in the world, again.

Did you have to revisit any of your major decisions? Like me, did you feel relieved once you did?


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[…] we decided to take more time and get married in the spring instead of October, we agreed not to decide on a new wedding date […]

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    I’ve been there, done that, got the t-shirt (and divorce papers) to prove it. Here I am again, pledging my life to my (new) love with eyes wide open (and heart racing) knowing full well how emotionally traumatic this can end… and doing it anyway.


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