Back to good…

Posted on September 29, 2008. Filed under: back to good |

I’m one of those people that, when things are bad, can’t imagine things ever being good again. Getting “back to good” is always such a relief.

The F and I have been in a really difficult, frustrating, heart-breakingly bad period since the timeline fiasco. Long story short, we’ve been fighting our way back to a trusting, supportive, happy relationship from a nervous, unstable, blaming one.

And we’ve done it! Sunday was a wonderful day. We cleaned out our disgusting basement (1700 square feet of 60’s decor, nasty water from a plumbing problem, and litterbox overflows) in a little over five hours. We got along beautifully! We worked well together! We listened to each other with open minds! We talked! Communicated! Discussed!

What did I learn? I need to be nicer. Not have different opinions or hide my ideas or roll over and show my belly — just be nice. As a not naturally nice person, I’m using a behavioral tactic to help me: I’m calling him “Honey.” My usual affectionate names are so comfortable for me that I can use them in not so affectionate ways. This change reminds me to be nicer to my honey, because after all, he deserves it.

{I’m not letting him off the hook here, btw. He’s working on communicating better and more often, which is just as difficult for him as being nice is for me. The bigger lesson is that waiting for him to change before I even try is a sucker’s strategy, and I’m not a sucker. Er, am trying not to be, anyway.}

Anyone else out there who’s engagement got off to a rocky start? Please tell me I’m not the only one who had to learn to just be nice!

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    About

    I’ve been there, done that, got the t-shirt (and divorce papers) to prove it. Here I am again, pledging my life to my (new) love with eyes wide open (and heart racing) knowing full well how emotionally traumatic this can end… and doing it anyway.

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