Archive for October, 2008

I must admit…

Posted on October 31, 2008. Filed under: deciding | Tags: |

I have a little nagging worry and I need your help dealing with it, pretty please.  Remember all of that stuff about the dress?  I liked the David’s Bridal dress all along, I’ll admit.  But (*sssshhhh*, this is the secret part) I bought the second dress for my guy.

Um, what?  Yea, hold on, I’ll explain.

My best girls and I went to try on wedding dresses together about a month before Mr. Cheese and I were officially engaged.  Yes, it was jumping the gun, but I justified it because one of my girls was about to move across the country and I wouldn’t see her again until our wedding and I didn’t want to miss out on such a fun experience.  During that “session,” I tried on a very traditional dress — beads and a big skirt and the whole nine yards — and we took a picture.  Gotta love the cheesy smile.

Late one night the mister and I were looking at pics from a party on my laptop and I backed up one picture too far.  There I was, in all of my silly-face and fake smile glory, in a wedding dress.

His reaction?  In a hushed voice, “You look like a princess!”

I love the sassy dress, but I gotta be honest, I want my guy to think, “Oh, my, gosh….!” in that same hushed voice when he sees me on our wedding day.  And while I look sassy and fun and very much like myself in the DB dress, I’m not sure I look like a princess. 🙂

Now, I know he’ll think I look fabulous no matter what I wear, and maybe all I need is to remind myself that I’m supposed to go with what feels best for me… but I love him, and this is his day too.  Who wouldn’t want that kind of hushed-in-awe reaction from their man on their wedding day?

Thoughts?

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A shameless plea

Posted on October 31, 2008. Filed under: please |

Um, hi.  Remember how helpful you were when I couldn’t decide on a dress?  And remember how you gave me suggestions on what to do with our garden trail?  And there was that time that you came up with a brilliant solution for my name conundrum?  See?  We’re friends, all y’all (I’ve been told that “all y’all” is the plural form of “y’all”) and I.  Good friends.  Close friends.  The kind of friends that talk about boobs.  In fact, I’ve mentioned my boobage no fewer than four times so far, so we’re practically bff’s.

{If you’re sensing I’m buttering you up, you’re totally right.}

Where, in the name of all that is good and perky, do you find bridal underthings that work, in a (oh yea I’m totally going there) DD/ DDD cup?  I can barely find regular bras that fit, much less a bustier that’s sexy, like this:

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It needs to be snug in the mid-section (which is tough because my band size is a 32) and have enough room in the cups.

Help?  I can do a ‘net search, but I’d rather hear from you if you’ve found something that works.

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Short and sassy

Posted on October 30, 2008. Filed under: inspiration | Tags: |

… I’m talking about hair, but I suppose you can describe me that way too.  🙂

My hair, if you recall (if you don’t, mouse over my chees-y icon and you’ll see a pic of me) is short.  In fact, it’s much shorter than it appears in that picture because it’s a graduated cut so the front is much longer than the back.

I love having short hair.  I’m not terribly tall (ahem, *cough* five foot nothing, to be exact) and I have a ton of hair.  Seriously.  A ton.  Every hair stylist I’ve ever been to has remarked on how much hair I have.  Lest you be creating voodoo dolls to wish me harm for what probably seems like a good problem to have, let me just say that most of my pre-short-hair pictures make me look like this:

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Mr. Cheese, unlike Mr. Eggplant, is a huge fan of long hair, and more than once has suggested that I grow it out just so that he can see what it looks like.  Setting aside the fact that this isn’t at all like, “Try on that dress so that I can see it” because of minor things like time and daily aggravation, I’m not sure I WANT long hair on my wedding day simply because it’s my wedding day.  I want to look like me — only significantly more fabulous — and “me” has short and sassy hair.

Par for the course, I’m conflicted.  I like my hair short and think that it fits me.  On the other hand, I love my guy, and it would be fun to grow it out, even just a bit, so that the mister would get his wish.  Yea, yea, first-world problem, I know.

Supposing I’m keeping it short (even if I grow it out, it’ll be short), it’s so hard to find inspiration photos!  This post is for my short-haired sistas out there.

I *love* this bride’s hair.  While I obviously don’t have the length in the back, I think I could simulate the front waviness and general fabulousness.

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Then there’s the always gorgeous Mariska Hargitay.  Her hairstyle here is much like my original plan: stick a flower in it and make it poofy.

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She used that same strategy for her own wedding:

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I’d call this one a faux-updo, while the poofiness in the front is much like the first picture.

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I’m not sure I like the hairpiece, but I like the idea, and this is closer to my regular everyday hairstyle.

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This bride is sassy  looking, eh?  I’m not sure I like this as much as the others, but maybe another short-haired bride will find some inspiration?

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While I don’t think Ivana Bozilovic has short hair, I could mimic the style by pulling my hair back with a few pins and… yep, sticking a flower in it!

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And, from my consistent source of fabulousness inspiration, Twigs & Honey:

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The best part about the net-and-flowers hair pieces is that, if I can somehow get a little bit of Mrs. Pineapple’s DIY pixie dust, I think I can make it myself.

And, of course, we can’t have a short hair inspiration post without our very own Mrs. Gingerbread:

I’ll have to try some of these out and post embarrassing pics so that y’all can weigh in!  Stay tuned….

And now, it’s your turn.  Are you keeping your hair short for your wedding or growing it out?  Did your fiance factor into your decision?  If short, do you have inspiration pictures you can contribute to this post?

{Before you ask, no, I don’t know what I’m going to do about a veil, but don’t worry, you’ll see a post on that soon, if for no other reason that I think I read that a blusher veil is the “prerogative of a first-time bride.”  You KNOW I’ll have an opinion on the whole thing.}

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On the road again…

Posted on October 29, 2008. Filed under: reality | Tags: |

Tell the truth, how many are now hearing Willie sing it?  I’m so susceptible to getting songs stuck in my head for days… and somehow the song’s always Mariah Carey, so I suppose I should be glad that this is just Willie.

I’m on a business trip again.  After not traveling for a year, I’m on my second business trip in two weeks, and my cheesy puff is struggling.  (How bad a girl am I that I can’t stop giggling?)  Here’s why:

This, dear friends, is Mr. Indiana Jones, Jr, our 5 month old pointer mix puppy.  And because I can’t resist, here’s what he looked like when we adopted him in July:

If you’ll recall, I work from home, so 90% of the puppy raising has fallen to me.  Now, of course, I knew this, but it wasn’t any less frustrating when the mister wasn’t as helpful as he could have been.

Heh, heh.  My, how things change.  I left last Sunday for three days at a staff meeting, and by day two (that would be Tuesday), I got a text message declaring that we needed to put in a fence immediately, and that he felt like a single parent!  Of course, he knows that being a parent would be so much more overwhelming, but still… funny.

I’d thought I’d share this fluffiness because yesterday’s post was such a heavy one.

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A public planning hiatus

Posted on October 28, 2008. Filed under: reality |

I get ahead of myself when I’m excited.  I get all caught up in the options and possibilities, then I get lost in them, then I get stressed and frustrated and overwhelmed and stuck in indecision.  I’ve known all along that I would struggle to enjoy our wedding planning process, to embrace the joy and accept the stress without letting it suck me in.

When we decided to take more time and get married in the spring instead of October, we agreed not to decide on a new wedding date until Thanksgiving for a variety of reasons.  One of them was everything I just mentioned about myself.  J also needed time to get through his enormous to-do list at both houses without the addition of a bunch more wedding-related tasks.  We were in the middle of our post-engagement challenges, so very little that we dealt with at that time could be called joyous (ya know, because we could barely speak to each other without riling each other up).  In a nutshell, there was no way that we could plan a wedding together with all of the joy and happiness that the journey deserved.

Because I’ve been married before, I realized that I needed extra time to not only become accustomed to being engaged (and eventually, a wife) again, but also to assess and find closure with my past marriage.  Every wedding task brings up memories — some good, some bad — and I’ve decided to take the time to get through them so that I enter my marriage to Mr. Cheese with a clean emotional slate.

Also, choosing a wedding date starts an almost unavoidable series of events.  It’s a short hop from “When’s the date?” to “Should we fly in on Friday or Saturday? Where will we stay?  Will we need to rent a car?  What’s on the schedule?  Will you need help with anything?  What do we need to bring?  What will we be doing each day?  Will we have time to sightsee?  When will you be leaving?  Who will handle the rental items/ dog walking/ cat feeding?  Do we need to stay longer?  Will I need to rent a tux?  Where will I rent a tux?  Can I bring a friend?”  All of these are valid questions, questions I’d certainlyl be asking if I was booking a flight across the country for my daughter’s wedding weekend, but we didn’t have any answers yet, and we wouldn’t until we figured out how to get along again.

{By the way, we have gotten past that frustrating month with the help of our couples counselor and a new mantra: Be nice.  We’re happier than we’ve ever been. More on that later if you’re interested.)

So, we went dark (theater people, am I using that analogy correctly?).  We promised my family that we would give them plenty of time to book their flights, but that we needed some time to enjoy our engagement, do some talking and planning, and figure out what we wanted as a couple.  We told them that we were thinking late spring, and that just after Thanksgiving we’d start negotiating a date that would make sense for everybody.  They understood.

That decision was a big deal for J and I as a couple, because it was really the first time that we prioritized the needs of ourselves ahead of those of our families of origin*.  The time off is giving us time to have wedding discussions without pressure to make decisions.  I have the luxury of enough time and space to really deal with any feelings that crop up from my first marriage.  Together, we’ve been to couples counseling — and that’s been a huge success for us.

Did anyone else declare a hiatus before you started planning your wedding?  And do you remember the first time you made a decision that put your new family’s (you and your fiance) needs ahead of your original family’s*?

*I know that “family of origin” is awkward to say, but I believe that J and I are a family — with our cats and dog — that will be made official by our marriage.  I use “our family” to mean he and I, now, so that we get used to it and also so that we remember that wedding decisions are marriage decisions which are family decisions.  Unfortunately, that leaves me with a very awkward phrase when I want to talk about the-family-from-which-I-came.

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Something old, something new

Posted on October 28, 2008. Filed under: screw-ups |

The shadow of your former loves and lives follows you into any relationship. The stakes are upped when the previous relationship was a marriage, and it (obviously) failed. Who doesn’t love a “first”? First kiss, first love, first bite, first sip. “I’ve never done this before, been here before, felt like this before.” The “I’ve never” makes it special. But what if you have?

I have been engaged before, and I was pretty good at it. Do I have regrets? Yes, a few, and this is a great chance for a do-over. I wish that I’d been more sentimental, spiritual, connected. I wish that I’d felt the weight of my commitment and been able to say that I went ahead and got married anyway. I wish that I could say that I looked forward and saw difficult times and difficult moments and pledged myself and my life to my man with eyes wide open. I wish that I remembered our ceremony better, that I felt something (anything!) other than embarrassment and impatience. I wish that I’d known myself better, known him better, known the future better. So my “something new” is to revel in my sentimentality, be unapologetic about my spiritual needs, and feel the full weight of our future rather than avoid the uncomfortable feelings.

My “something old” is to get ahead of myself and screw it all up. Welcome to the real world, folks, where you can move on from anything but yourself.

I’m a take-charge kind of girl. I’m a planner. I’m a tactical soul. I’m the product of generations of dysfunctional marriages (and successful divorces). This isn’t an excuse, only an acknowledgment. I get ahead of myself when I’m excited, screech back to a full stop when I’m disappointed, and in the depths of my soul I fear (and expect) being abandoned.

He mentioned marriage months and months ago. My heart skittered* in discomfort. Do I want to be married again? What’s wrong with living in a permanent state of sin? Can I be married again… successfully? Is it fair to my ex-husband to get it right with someone else? (The worries aren’t necessarily logical, eh?) Will I jinx it by thinking about it? Are we ready? What’s the point of marriage? Do we know each other well enough? Can I be faithful to him… forever? Will I be stuck in this city forever? Does he really know and love me, the shitty not-nice stressed out yucky me?

I came around. I love this man. I want my children to be like this man. I’ve never thought/ said/ considered the phrase “my children” before loving this man. My man is a great, good, solid, wonderful, worthy-of-my-admiration kind of a man. Why wouldn’t I want to marry him? I’d love to call him my husband, love to feel the stability that being stuck together forever incurs, love to make a vow (and then keep it). I want the chance to be a good wife this time.

We talked timeline. In retrospect, he expressed his discomfort at any kind of a timeline, but I passed it off as timeline-discomfort — the kind that planning will alleviate, ya know. I dithered around looking at rings. Freaked the hell out about making a decision. Waffled, flip-flopped, panicked. Screeched my distress at my boyfriend. I cried. Finally chose a ring (which he promptly purchased, unbeknownst to me) and then panicked some more. Ruined his surprise. Set a deadline for getting engaged. (*cringe*) Lost my shit when he didn’t meet it. Had many hurt feelings…/

{time to cut the ugly train wreck short, partially in a sad attempt to be concise but mostly because I’m embarrassed}

/… Then we had to back up. Take a deep breath, remember what’s most important, make it right. While nothing changed to the world, we went into pause mode in terms of planning anything. The ball went back in his court, and we agreed that he would take back my ring until we got through the drama, then we’d pick up where we left off. This step was just between us, as token step to replace a stressful memory with a good one. And, as tough as it is for me to let go, release control, and trust someone else with my life, it’s our life now.  I trust him with my heart, so I trusted him with this.

It worked!  In a quiet moment in the clearing where we’ll be married next spring, my wonderful man presented me with my ring, again.  I won’t take it off, not in that way, ever again.

Lesson: do not get ahead of yourself. Getting ahead of yourself does not, will not, cannot give you a free pass past the uncomfortable business of dealing with and closing the books on your past. Learn from your past and be better at the present not by skipping past everything but by doing the hard thing (and for me, that’s being patient). The point of an engagement, I believe, is to give you practice at living life together. You have to make decisions together, catalog your histories and your families, navigate new relationships with in-laws, focus on each other and your new relationship while standing together in the face of the drama, and GET TO THE END OF THE THING. The wedding day is the beginning of a marriage, but it’s also the end of the test that is can-we-succeed-as-a-couple.

Everyone loves a first, but me?  I love a “last,” too: the last sip of coffee, the last lick of ice cream, the last day of school… and this guy, the last man I’ll ever kiss.

Can you relate?

*skittered: a screech without the sound, like your body skittering down a not-wet-enough Slip ‘N Slide.

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Bright Ideas from YOU!

Posted on October 25, 2008. Filed under: general |

I’ve had such a great time since I joined Weddingbee a few weeks ago, and that’s because of YOU!  You’ve been supportive, related to my struggles, offered advice, and said, “Show me the RING!”  You are fabulous gardeners, editors, fiances, and wives — judging by your comments — and you’ve shared your experiences, suggestions, and requests very generously.

{I know, I know, I’m gushing, but what can I say?  You guys ROCK!}

So, this post is just for you: bright ideas you’ve suggested, thoughts you’ve offered, and pictures you’ve requested.  Here we go!

More haircut pics, with a hat tip to AliCherri1 for being the first to ask.  Yes, I take pictures of my own hair so that a) I can see the back and b) I can point to what I do and don’t like when I go to the hair stylist.  I’m picky (but I prefer to call it meticulous).  For the e-pics I straightened it; normally, it’s wavy and I let it air dry.


Many of you requested more info on my ring, which I posted here, then You requested a hand shot, so here you go.  Incidentally, does anyone have any tips for taking pics of jewelry?  This one is pathetically blurry but the best I could get.

Hat tip to julieulie for offering a unique solution to the last name dilemma I posted about here:

So, long story short, I legally hyphenated. I know it’s not for a lot of people, and my last name is now long — too long for a lot of forms. But, it gives me the option of picking and choosing. Of course, for all important paperwork, I go by the full hyphenation. But professionally, I can keep my maiden name, which is tied to my publications. And in my personal life, when we someday have children, I can sign their permission slips with just my husband’s last name — the name my children will have. I can use either name, or both together. Aside from a really long name (and a lot to sign on credit card receipts!), it wound up being the best solution.

Sure, I’d rather have just kept my maiden name, and my husband would have rather me just taken his name, but marriage is all about compromise, right?

I embarrassingly missed beaninca‘s request for info on the jeans I wore in my e-pics (so sorry!).  They are from Banana Republic and because I’m five foot nothin’, I had them hemmed.  I don’t know the style, but if you’re interested, I’ll check the tag.  I’ve had them for years and worn them everywhere, so I do recommend.

Miss Fondue noticed that I forgot to post the e-pic that is most Knoxvillian (the fountains at World’s Fair Park)!

Notice how the mister ditches me to escape the rising water?

Sakarina, in response to my post about highlighting my culture at our wedding, mentioned adding tamales to the menu… brilliant!  My family makes tamales every Christmas so this is an extra special tradition for us.  Thanks!

And I have to say, a special place is reserved in my little heart for the garden and landscape suggestions you’ve offered.  roseskier1, tberry, Sara, and Vicki posted detailed thoughts and suggestions that I’m in the midst of researching.  SO appreciative.  RenaissanceTrophyWife gave me this great link on organic gardening, Lindsay did something similar for her own wedding (check out her site!),  Jen was kind enough to give me advice from another southern bride (Kentucky!),  tberry weighed in with her experience, and BA suggested these:

Sweet peas! source

And, how can I fail to mention that you were SO with me all the way in helping to pick out a wedding dress.  Because you rock, and because I now have an extra wedding dress in my closet, I will pay shipping if anyone wants to take it off my hands for a mere $140.  I’ll double check the size when I get home from Seattle (business trip), but I’m pretty sure it’s a bridal size 10.  Eames lounger not included (sorry)… but I’m taking offers on the puppy (kidding)!

Whew!  What a wild and amazing ride it’s been already! Thanks again, y’all, for taking this cheesy bee into your communities and being ‘net friends.

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Dress Saga Follow-Up

Posted on October 24, 2008. Filed under: deciding | Tags: |

The Dress Saga

{Mr. Cheese, DELETE NOW.}

After I begged for help in deciding which dress to wear, reader lmdh helpfully suggested that I take a picture of myself wearing the bridesmaid’s dress with the pickups from Mori Lee.  So, this cheesy gal hopped right up from her comfy spot on the couch (hey, I work blog from home, call it a coffee break) and pulled out the dress.

Brief side note: I KNEW it was going to be too big.  I kindly suggested to the bridal shop woman that I’d need a size smaller than she might think because I have a small ribcage and (can’tbelieveI’msayingthisinpublicmuchlessontheInternet) amorphous boobage.  If the dress is too big, my breasts will sag to my waist and my dress will try to fall off.  She evidently believed that I just wasn’t at peace with my bridal dress size (speaking of which, why not go DOWN in size to make a bride feel better rather than worse, Bridal Marketing Gurus?) and ordered me a bridal size 10.  It’s.  Too.  Big.  In the pics that follow, I used clothespins to suck in at least four inches.  Argh.

If you look closely, you can totally see my opportunistic pooch chewing on my running shoe (in the right corner).  And no, I didn’t comb my hair today.  I work from home, remember?

Again, it’s the David’s Bridal dress (reposting the pic from before) or the bridesmaid’s dress.

I hate deciding! And I can’t tell whether I like the pickups dress or whether I just can’t believe my arms look pretty good in those pics (yes, I’m a little vain). Incidentally, whichever dress I don’t wear will be for sale once I decide.  And seriously, for heaven’s sake, if you’re on a budget, consider bridesmaid’s dresses.  I would never have guessed that the Mori Lee dress cost $140!!

Still the DB dress, y’all think?  My Cheesy Mama pragmatically suggested that by the time I get the too-big Mori Lee dress altered the two dress sizes I need, I’ll spend another hundred or more bucks.  I also like the idea that with the DB dress’s spunkiness (amazing that spell-check thinks that’s a word), I can somehow incorporate feathers or other fabulous frivolity!

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My dress saga

Posted on October 23, 2008. Filed under: deciding | Tags: |

A three dress bride?  Ridiculous, but possibly true.

Sigh.  I have no idea what to do about my dress situation, so I’m hoping that you can help me.  Pretty please?  I’ll trade you embarrassing unflattering pictures of myself in return for your help.

{Mr. Cheese, if you’ve read this far, DELETE THIS EMAIL — he gets every one of my posts emailed to him by this service — NOW!  QUICKLY!}

I’ve mentioned before that I’m busty and vertically challenged, so I wasn’t looking forward to dress shopping. I was looking for something unique, comfortable, glamorous and “me” that I could successfully wear while navigating the trail through our backyard.  Uh, huh.  Good luck, right?   I was also a bit uncomfortable about the whole big-white-dress concept because this is my second wedding*.

It took three steps to get through the discomfort.  First, I dropped by a bridal shop all by myself and asked to try a few things on.  Without any pressure or need to be “the public me,” I tried on everything they had in my size.  I didn’t take my camera (sorry!) but the shop owner and I assessed each style.  In the end, I decided that I wanted a bridesmaid’s dress in white or cream — simple, inexpensive, practical, and flattering.

Then, I made an unexpected trip home to New Mexico, and my mom and I made a quick visit to a bridal shop there.  We agreed that a bridesmaid’s dress was the way to go (though she did try to talk me into a more traditional dress).

Third step: I talked my two best girls into joining me back at that first bridal shop, and I roped them into trying on dresses with me.  If you can somehow finagle this, I highly recommend it.  We had a blast trying them on together!

Final step: my best girl and I went to David’s to try on this dress:

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… and this is how I looked in it.  (Quick note: the date on my camera was wrong, apparently.)

As you can see by my face, I wasn’t much into it.  It wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t good.  Here’s a better picture where I’m not pouting (but not much better!):

Then I tried this one on:

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Ohhhhh, yea.  Now we’re talking.  It was glamorous and yet wearable.  The boobage was well-supported and it didn’t seem overwhelming on my body.  Problem: I just didn’t want to spend $500 on a dress.  I know, I know, it’s the only day I’ll get to wear it and all, but FROM MY PERSPECTIVE (and only mine, of course) there were more important things.  {And I’m perfectly okay living vicariously through those of you wearing Monique Lhuillier.  Really.}

We dropped by one last bridal shop and found this bridesmaid’s dress (which I couldn’t take a picture of myself in because of that strange and totally ridiculous no-pictures policy some shops have don’tevengetmestartedonthat):

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… and this bridesmaid’s dress:

source: Mori Lee website.
Seriously, if you’re looking for a budget wedding gown, you should at least consider bridesmaid’s dresses.  Each of these was under $150 and in white or cream still made me look like a bride.

{Quick trip down memory lane.  Granted, it’s MY memory lane, but join me anyway….  Initially, J and I were going to get married in October.  Remember? And, in a wacky attempt to make traveling easier on my family (all in the southwest), we thought we’d just have a second reception, sort of, in Las Vegas.  This was before I figured out what this wedding thing is all about — for me, anyway — and my big goal was to inconvenience people as little as possible.  Feel free to point and laugh.}

While I was considering my options, I realized that I wouldn’t have time to get my dress dry cleaned before heading for Vegas.  We’d be tromping around our backyard on Saturday and then hop on a plane Sunday for a renewal of vows on Monday — no time to get a dress dry cleaned.  For practical reasons, then, I needed two dresses.  Also for practical reasons, I didn’t want to spend a ton of money.  I’ll talk more about my wedding planning strategy soon, but let’s just say that I could neither afford nor desire a super expensive dress for one day… and now I needed two.

But I still didn’t want to pay 500 bucks for a dress.  Enter eBay!  Within 10 minutes of searching, I found that exact dress in my size for sale by a bride who’d been married a few months before.  Score!  I bought it for $200 plus shipping and it arrived a week later in perfect condition.

Because I wanted to go traditional for our hometown reception, I chose the pickups dress (in black above).

Fast forward to today. We’re having one reception in Knoxville, with backyard and trail to the clearing and all that.  I have two dresses hanging in my closet, one of which I love more than the other… but of course that one’s less practical and safe (ya know, for descending a trail).  I’m also feeling like I chose them both during my rush-through-the-process phase, and what I reeeeaaaalllly wanted was lace.  I also loved how fun the super sassy bombshell bridesmaid dress (the navy blue picture) was, not to mention how bombshell-ish I looked.  And yet, I’ve said all along that I don’t want to place too much importance on my dress.

Help?  What would you do?  Wear the glamorous-but-somewhat-constricting-when-walking dress from David’s?  Wear the much safer, but much less fun more-traditional-bridesmaid’s-dress-with-pickups?  Buy a third (ridiculous, I know) sexy-bombshell-bridesmaid’s-dress and have to suck it in all night? Sell both and start the search anew?  Meaningful and lasting isn’t helping me here!

*I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again.  This is a new relationship worthy of the respect and traditions that come with creating a new family through marriage.  Don’t let the fact that you were married before intrude on your wedding day.  Yes, by all means, process and find peace with that fact for your own emotional health before you get married again, but let your decisions about The Day You Will Pledge Yourself To Your Husband Forever be driven by the present.  Wear the dress you would wear if this was your first marriage, this time, at this age as this person that you are today.

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It’s all in the words

Posted on October 23, 2008. Filed under: inspiration |

I’m a bit of a strategist by profession.  My theme post was part of the execution of our wedding, but the strategy is much simpler.

Two words:  Meaningful and Lasting.

In our life, I’m all about the meaningful, while My Favorite Guy is all about the lasting.  I want to be surrounded by objects and items that remind me of special people, occasions, and ideas.  He wants to be sure that things will survive and stand up to the rigors of time and life.  Our wedding — and more importantly, our marriage — should be both.

Our priorities become more clear when we come back to these words.  A wedding dress is for one day, and while wearing it on my wedding day will make it meaningful, it’s not something that can join me in my married life (unless I secretly wear it when J goes out of town… don’t think I haven’t considered it!).  On the other hand, I’ve been pushing J to buy exactly the suit that he wants because he can wear it for years and I love the idea that he’ll enter our marriage prepared for a formal occasion.

Another situation: we’re hosting our reception at our home, so we can either rent dishes or buy them (more on inexpensive ways to do this later).  I’d prefer to buy them, because then we can use them in our married life when we host parties.  Assuming we buy something that’s not terribly delicate, they can last us for years.  Meaningful and lasting.

One more: remember that I posted about growing my own bouquet?  Meaningful — every time I cut flowers for a bouquet, I’ll be reminded of the day J and I became a family.  Lasting — roses and peonies plants, when properly cared for, will live for decades.

It’s obviously not always clear cut, but when I’m stressed and overwhelmed (um, yea, that happens way more often than it should), I find that coming back to these two words helps.

Am I hopeless nerd? (Don’t answer that.)  Did anyone else do this?  And if you haven’t, take a moment to think about it.  What would your words be/ have been?

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    I’ve been there, done that, got the t-shirt (and divorce papers) to prove it. Here I am again, pledging my life to my (new) love with eyes wide open (and heart racing) knowing full well how emotionally traumatic this can end… and doing it anyway.

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