Patience is a virtue?

Posted on November 16, 2008. Filed under: emotional, please |

Okay, lovely ladies of the hive, it’s time for another one of the posts where you share your expertise and knowledge, and I bow at your feet for helping me understand.  Fun, right? {Again, I’ll remind you how fabulous and helpful you were when I asked for advice on bras, and dresses, and hair, and gardens… you can’t abandon me now!!}

You know my history with my future hubby, the mess I tend to make of things, and the problems we struggle with.  In looking back, though, I’m always amazed at how patient he’s been as I’ve made peace with my past and figured out this commitment thing.  My brain was at war with my heart; my instincts for self-protection were battling it out with my desire to be settled and trusting. When I was melting down about the pressure of signing a mortgage, he trusted that it wasn’t about him at all, it was about me (who wants to hear, “It’s not you, it’s me”).  I’m in awe of and incredibly grateful that he gave me the time and space to get to this point.

I wonder, though, how much would have been too much?  We all know women who are patient, loving, and supportive with a man who can’t make a commitment.  I suppose that I’m lucky enough to be the messy one in our relationship, in that respect.

Have you been there?  Were you in Mr. Cheese’s position, patiently waiting out the growing pains of a skittish commitment-shy person that loved you?  How did you get through it?  How did you not feel that you were waiting in vain?  How did you know that they’d come through, in the end?

If the situation had been reversed, and Mr. Cheese had been struggling with the enormity of the commitment to marriage, what advice would you have given me?

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    About

    I’ve been there, done that, got the t-shirt (and divorce papers) to prove it. Here I am again, pledging my life to my (new) love with eyes wide open (and heart racing) knowing full well how emotionally traumatic this can end… and doing it anyway.

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