O-ver-WHELMED

Posted on November 18, 2008. Filed under: reality |

*Deep breaths*

I’m feeling overwhelmed today.

*Deeeeeeep breaths*

Very, very overwhelmed.

*Slow deep breaths*

And panicky.

*Too many deep breaths, now light-headed*

You could call it freaking out.

*Head between knees now, breathing out sloooowly, sucking it up so I can type*

It’s been building ever so slowly, and then I got pushed over the edge into semi-suffocating clouds (because this is a first world problem, I won’t call it drowning) by this: Mrs. Hydrangea’s wedding spread on Project Wedding.

source

Wow.  I mean, wow.  W-O-W.  Modern and beautiful, wonderful, completely worthy of a magazine spread.  Wow.

Um, hi.  *waving* I’m Ms. Cheese, and I’m totally out of my league (evidently I’m the wanna-bee** in the corner having an asthma attack and looking upon the star player with great envy).

Do you ever feel like that?  Like you don’t have enough money, time, or (letsbehonesthere) TALENT for your wedding to be that frigging gorgeous?  Like your highest hopes involved candles that didn’t go out and clothes that stayed where they should and a happy husband, but now you want a gobo (when before you didn’t even know what that was)?

Like, with the nasty thunderstorm that is the economy, perhaps you should be socking your money away rather than spending it on a party (albeit a really important and meaningful one)?  But on the other hand, who wants to regret not putting enough time and money and (other people’s) talent into the day they start their lives together?

Like maybe the mister’s strategy (“As long as we’re married, I don’t care”) makes more sense than yours (“Unless we plan for things, they won’t run smoothly and everything will be awkward”)?

I’ll be okay, don’t worry.  Like I said, I get that it’s a first-world problem, but I’m going to take the dog for a walk, try to finish the bathroom tiling, and make a big huge long list of everything.  And then I’m going to have a drink*** and blog about something happy.  I suspect there will soon be begging for help from anyone I can arm-twist and a healthy dose of whining to Mr. Cheese.

{Update: Mr. Cheese, bless him, offered to bring home a beverage*** and talk about it all… so I’ll talk/ cry/ whine and he’ll listen.  Also, I found this in my RSS reader, and I feel better.  Direct quote:

I am huge fan of small weddings attended only by close friends and family… I really can’t think of a better way to celebrate a wedding than sitting under twinkling lights and beautiful banners laughing the night away surrounded by friends.

source

“Laughing the night away surrounded by friends,” “twinkling lights”… THAT I think I can do. Still terribly envious, lovely Mrs. Hydrangea, but at least I can put the paper sack away now.}

**Yes, I had to go there.

***There you go, assuming it’ll be alcoholic.  You’re RIGHT.

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    About

    I’ve been there, done that, got the t-shirt (and divorce papers) to prove it. Here I am again, pledging my life to my (new) love with eyes wide open (and heart racing) knowing full well how emotionally traumatic this can end… and doing it anyway.

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