Wedding parties (no, not the boozy kind)

Posted on November 25, 2008. Filed under: Uncategorized |

We’re a mere six months away from our wedding and we haven’t decided on a wedding party yet.  *gulp*  Wait, wait!  Before you slap my hand for my procrastination, I assure you that this is different than all of the other things we haven’t done yet.  Really, I swear!

I’m having a hard time making the whole idea of a bridal party make sense for us (well, me).  Tradition for the sake of tradition doesn’t work for me.  Things have to make sense to me, in my head and in my heart, before I can move on, so I’m stuck.  (Yes, yes, I was that kid that drove everyone nuts asking, “Why?” all the time.)

Meg from A Practical Wedding put it best:

I’ve been struggling with the idea of traditional wedding party. For me it’s felt limiting and a bit uncomfortable. We have lots of important people in our lives, but somehow they didn’t fit into the bridal party model (not to mention my total lack of interest in picking matching dresses for them).

As a kid I remember thinking it was weird that the woman standing next to my mom in her wedding pictures was someone I didn’t know.  Why wouldn’t she have asked one of her sisters to be her MOH, I wondered, since you just never know which friends will make it through life with you?  So, for my first wedding, my bridesmaids were all family.

I also relate to Ms. Peony, who wrote:

We were adamant that the ceremony was between us and the officiant, no one else. My Mum gave a reading and walked down the aisle with the bridesmaids and my cousin and The Boy’s cousin also gave readings. I wanted my close friends involved and around me on the day, but not too heavily.

Complicating the issue is the mister (of course).  He’s never been married, so while he wouldn’t say it in exactly these words, he’s looking forward to standing with his best friends.  He wants to honor their friendship by asking them to be his groomsmen, and I don’t blame him.

If it were up to me, we’d just have a BM and MOH and be done with it.  I have no question who my MOH will be, so this makes it easy for me*.  We’d honor our families and close friends by asking them to do readings, play music, or sing.  Alas, this is a joint decision, so I don’t know where we’ll end up.

Perhaps a bridal brigade is the way to go…


… but then, what sense would it make to have groomsmen and not bridesmaids? I’m getting caught up in the idea rather than the point, which is to surround yourself with people who will support you and stand by you, not only on your wedding day but throughout your marriage.  Then again, I can’t shake the feeling that it would be weird not to have bridesmaids if we have groomsmen.

How did you choose your wedding party?  Was anyone hurt that they were left out?  Did you include your family in your bridal party, or did you honor them some other way?

*Full disclosure: I also just plain don’t have that many girlfriends.  I either stick with one or two friend-bridesmaids, throw in some family (but then the wedding party gets big very quickly), or start to include acquaintances (which is my least favorite idea).


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[…] by Marisa in crafty-crafty. Tags: wedding party trackback I’ve been thinking a lot about our wedding party, having read and considered every one of your comments.  The theme seemed to be to surround […]

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    I’ve been there, done that, got the t-shirt (and divorce papers) to prove it. Here I am again, pledging my life to my (new) love with eyes wide open (and heart racing) knowing full well how emotionally traumatic this can end… and doing it anyway.


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