A Year In Review: 2008

Posted on December 31, 2008. Filed under: Thanks |

I have a tradition of my very own for New Year’s Eve, one I’ve had for as long as I can remember.  Every year, I look back at the past year, at the things I’m grateful for, at what I’ve learned, and what I’ve succeeded at and where I’ve failed.  The next day, after recovering from whatever partying I might have done (full disclosure: almost never anything terribly exciting), I put together a few goals for the next year.  Not resolutions, mind you, because I fail at those, but personal goals.

For 2008, I wrote:

  • Talk to Mr. Cheese, even when it’s hard, even when I really don’t want to, especially when I’d rather walk away (even for a little while).
  • Pet my cats, anytime they ask, long enough for it to matter.
  • Refrain from spending money exorbitantly, impulsively, when other people are involved.  {I’d just spent over a hundred bucks on cookie making supplies for a small get together, and was feeling bad.}
  • Do the cash thing.

Last year, somewhere along the way, I vowed to live my life more honestly, with more genuineness and fewer lies, even the small white ones.  I did it! This year, I vow to live my life with more awareness and joy, with less worry and regret.

I mostly succeeded.  I’ll always struggle to communicate (always have), my cats will always want me to pet them longer than I do, I’ll always wonder if I should have spent money after I have, and sometimes I’ll forget to withdraw cash.  But I have been more aware this year — of both the joys and pains of life — and my regrets have been short-term and fixable (like apologizing for raising my voice or not being understanding pretty soon after doing it).

I won’t know for sure what my goals are for this year until tomorrow, but in looking back, I am very grateful to you, this fabulous community of women supporting each other in moving through life.  I have greatly enjoyed sharing my life with you and have appreciated that you’ve shared back.  Our discussions on “the hard topics” have been interesting, inspiring, and soothing.  It’s nice to know that you’re not alone, isn’t it?  You all rock, you give me hope, and you remind me that we live in a world full of wonderful people.

I think that I’ll want to live the next year in the moment, free from worries about things that don’t matter, with a firm sense of my priorities and what matters most: people, family, love, kindness.  I’ll probably vow to be nice (even when I’m not feeling nice) especially with my guy, because even though we’ll always have things to work on and get through (that’s life, after all), with him is where I’m meant to be, and I’m terribly grateful for that.  And, while I’m finally living honestly, genuinely and with awareness, I’m not yet doing it gracefully – I’ll want to find more grace.

So thanks to all of you and best wishes for your new year.  Be safe tonight, and let me know what your goals for the new year are!

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    About

    I’ve been there, done that, got the t-shirt (and divorce papers) to prove it. Here I am again, pledging my life to my (new) love with eyes wide open (and heart racing) knowing full well how emotionally traumatic this can end… and doing it anyway.

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