Yes, I am

Posted on February 12, 2009. Filed under: reality |

So, I’ve been thinking, and I think I’m tacky. And so is our wedding.  We’re getting married at our home (in the street!), on a super limited budget, in Tennessee, with our ceremony in a clearing.  I bought my dress off eBay.  Dishes and glasses each cost a dollar.  Our friends and family will be asked to help out by mixing their own drinks and maybe even baking a cake. For heaven’s sake, we’re using paper napkins!

While I’m at it, I should admit that I’m also short. *gasp* And loud.  *egads!* And I eat a lot of fried food. *Oh!* My fiance and I met at a bar. *shock*  And I’m sure my hair looks really bad, my shoes are ugly, and my dog eats cat poop if he can get away with it.

Look, being engaged is a tough journey down a rocky road, one that’s uphill both ways, in the snow, and you can really only walk it alone.  You go from dating bliss to carefully (and not so carefully) avoiding painful run-ins with your past, your future, your emotions, and your family – all while moonlighting a project manager/ designer/ event planner/ therapist/ social butterfly with the skills of Ghandi.

Who knows this better than other brides?

We all cope with it differently, but there’s really no avoiding the fact that you’ll make some people unhappy no matter what you decide — and you have a thousand decisions to make.  Will you invite “plus ones”?  Will you not?  Will you serve great food, and according to whom?

Here’s my advice: own your choices.  If you decided not to allow your friends to bring dates, explain the reasoning with your head held high.  “Yes, I know it’s going to be tough for you to come alone, and I’m incredibly sorry for that.  However, we couldn’t invite everyone, and you know how it is – family comes first.  Do you want me to help you scope out dance partners?”

If you are inviting “plus ones,” fabulous.  Let’s not judge those who don’t.  Yes, it can suck to go to a wedding alone and not have a dance partner.  Been there, done that.  But c’mon, for your guests, it’s one day.  Even if you (as a guest) are seated next to the smelliest, stupidest, most boring person while being eaten alive by mosquitos and drinking crappy booze, it’s still one day.  You’ll live.  And, if you’re like me, you’ll be happy to help celebrate, because it’s not about you, it’s about the happy couple.

So, if you’re going to judge, judge me.  I’m okay with that.  Because at the end of the (wedding) day, I’ll still be married to my favorite guy in the world.  Even if our wedding involves mud-wrestling in-laws (I swear I saw that on TV; to each her own, the bride looked happy).

I love this place.  I love the discussion.  I love relating to y’all, sharing ideas, venting my frustrations.  Let’s keep it up.

{Edited to add: I’ve been reminded that disagreement is not the same as judging, which is absolutely true.  Also, tacky as in tactless is not the same as tacky as in gaudy… so when you call me tacky, can you be clear?  Gracias!}

What other words have you found to be “loaded” in terms of weddings?


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    I’ve been there, done that, got the t-shirt (and divorce papers) to prove it. Here I am again, pledging my life to my (new) love with eyes wide open (and heart racing) knowing full well how emotionally traumatic this can end… and doing it anyway.


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