My Brazilian adventure

Posted on February 26, 2009. Filed under: reality |

I know, I know, y’all think I’m a horrible slacker for not updating you on my trip to Brazil.  Have faith!  I was waiting until I’d eased back into normal life so that I could give you the low down on whether it was worth it.

{Stop reading now if you’re related to me… or to the mister.  Really.}

Let’s start with the appointment: it was no walk in the park.  I’m not gonna lie.  It hurt.  Sometimes badly.  And I never guessed that the most painful regions of the country would be the ones up north, not the less public ones farther south.  {Boy, this analogy is getting murky.}  Yowza.  My aesthetician was fabulous, keeping the chitchat going but still making appropriate grimaces when they were warranted.  Evidently many (most) women cuss up a storm, so she was surprised by my rather-low-key intake of breath.  I was totally cussing inside my head.   I left feeling… tender.

Some friendly hints: Do take the painkiller ahead of time.  I took mine too late, but when it kicked in everything got better.  Do consider moisturizing for a few days prior to minimize the impact to your skin.  Do buy the recommended exfoliating glove before your appointment; you won’t want to make an extra trip afterward, I promise.  Do wear comfy clothes.

Okay, so that’s the bad stuff.  The good stuff: wow, you really can’t think about anything other than Brazil for a while.  The first day I didn’t want any visitors, if you know what I mean, and I was a little red and splotchy.  The second day, though, hellooooo, was I a friendly tourist!   And my mister was a happy companion, let me tell you. *wiggling eyebrows*

It’s been a couple of weeks, and I wish I’d been diligent with the exfoliating because it would have helped when the grass started sprouting again.  Let’s just say that the terrain in Brazil can get a little bumpy if you don’t {temporary pause in the analogy} exfoliate.  And you’ll have to moisturize the less-traveled regions.

As much as I don’t really look forward to doing it again, the whole appointment took less than 20 minutes.  That’s not a huge price to pay for six weeks of not mowing the lawn… or so I tell myself.  Plus, I get I-love-you-so-much-I-go-through-PAIN-for-you points from the mister.

{Um, I want to address one last thing here.  I was asked by a friend if it seemed strange that men seem to prefer Brazil to a more natural location, thinking that Brazilian women look… young.  After taking a brief poll of men willing to answer, I was informed that it’s less about age and more about fantasies created by the adult visual industry.  Thanks, Hef, sheesh.  However, I can attest to the fact that playing twister is more fun when played in Brazil, so it’s all good.}


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9 Responses to “My Brazilian adventure”

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Loving the analogy. I’m a big fan of Brazil, and been on many trips there. The best thing is the more trips you take, the less pain there is. And yes Twister is far better in Brazil :).
Once you’ve been to Brazil, you can’t really go back to other places!

Too funny.

I am too much of a pansy. I cry when I get my eyebrows done. I can’t imagine what it’d be like down south.

I am considering going to Brazil, but I all I can think about is how awful it will be when everything starts growing back. Has it put a damper on Twister as it starts to come back in?

all i can say is…thank god my boyfriend likes me without having to go to Brazil or anywhere near it!

I asked my boyfriend about this and he made a long spiel about the things that people will do to their body. I was a little relieved. Glad it worked for you though.

You crack me up with your analogies. Trust me, with each waxing, er, trip to Brazil, the pain will be less and less of a concern; it’s always worst the first time. With that said, there is a product on the market called something like “No More Scream Cream” or “Scream No More Cream”…something like that – you can find it on Amazon, and it numbs everything up so you don’t feel A THING!

Paige – the turf seems to be growing in pretty soft, so not yet. In fact, I was worried that it would look, um, stubbly, like a horrible five o’ clock shadow, but it’s not that obvious — and I have very dark brown, um, lawn. 🙂

BananaPants – that sound fabulous! Although in my case, it would be “No More Cussing in my Head Cream.”

Your analogies are hysterical. I’m reading this at work, and trying really hard to muffle my laughter so no one asks me what I’m reading. 🙂

[…] Uncategorized. trackback Hey, all.  Remember me?  I was the one who blogged about Twister and going to Brazil.  And then y’all gave me your input on photo books because you’re so sweet.  […]

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    I’ve been there, done that, got the t-shirt (and divorce papers) to prove it. Here I am again, pledging my life to my (new) love with eyes wide open (and heart racing) knowing full well how emotionally traumatic this can end… and doing it anyway.


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