On forgiveness

Posted on April 13, 2009. Filed under: Uncategorized |

“Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear.”

-Ambrose Redmoon

I struggle with forgiveness — of myself, of others, of the world at large.  Cloaking myself in hurt or anger is somehow more comforting and safe than moving on.  I don’t know why.  Who wants to be hurt or angry?  It’s not like it feels good.  I always feel lost, though, in the moment between the apology and whatever comes next.  I think (and will ask), “Are we just supposed to go back to normal?  Do I pretend it never happened?  How do I act now?”

For me, at least, it has taken great courage to return his peace offerings, be they an actual apology, invitation to watch the sun set, or my favorite bad treat.  Gestures of forgiveness are easier for me to give than accept, the former feeling like a position of strength more than the latter.  But that’s just me.  I’m a work in progress — I like to think of that as one of my charms.

Anyone else find it easier to be the apologizer than the apologizee?


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One Response to “On forgiveness”

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Perhaps it is a “sincerity” issue. The biology of a sincere apology is different for every person. You know he wants it over, and you know he apologizes differently than you. Perhaps you are constantly questioning his sincerity? Does he mean it; does he get it; etc. I know that feeling well, but it usually gets you nowhere. Know he means, hope he gets it…..if he doesn’t, it will come up again. Love ya.

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    I’ve been there, done that, got the t-shirt (and divorce papers) to prove it. Here I am again, pledging my life to my (new) love with eyes wide open (and heart racing) knowing full well how emotionally traumatic this can end… and doing it anyway.


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