I’m back… and life is good

Posted on June 2, 2009. Filed under: Uncategorized |

I hesitated before blogging this morning.  My hubby and I just returned from a very fantastic 7-ish days in Puerto Rico (wonderfully cool place) to clingy animals and a house… well, let’s put it this way: the last thing we did before we left was get married in it, so in the interests of picture perfection (okay,  so we wouldn’t look like total slobs), we hid crap in every available crap-hiding space.  Coming home is like being in a really f’d up scavenger hunt.

I’m biting the bullet and changing my name today, spending time away from my new husband for the first time in weeks, AND in a series of super fun government office waiting rooms.  Blegh. (But at least I’ll have the second Twilight novel to keep me company. I caved while on the beach and read the first one, and now I’m hooked.)

I have misplaced the cord for my camera (not the aforementioned crap-hiding extravaganza), so I can’t show you honeymoon pics, and I don’t have any wedding pics yet.

But it’s more than that.  Our wedding was fantastic.  Yea, yea, every bride says that, but they mean it in different ways, and I struggle to explain mine.  Yes, I got to marry my favorite man.  Yes, we had a great party (with really great food).  Yes, his vows were just perfect and my hands were shaking and the music was very personal.

But my favorite moment of the whole night, the one I return to over and over with a lump in my throat and tears threatening to fall, happened just before I made my walk.  I felt lost and scared and shaky.  I couldn’t decide if I wanted to puke or pass out, and I was all alone, having just sent my flowergirl and Jr. bridesmaid off.  I expected nerves, but I didn’t expect to be incapable of moving.

Then I heard the opening to my song (“Sweet Pea” by Amos Lee) played by my little brother and I smiled.  Took a few steps and suddenly, a very real representation of all of the love in my life was there in front of me.  All those people, all because they love us.  Many of those people worked tirelessly for the days leading up to that moment, cleaning my bathroom and lawn and putting up photographs and attending to a myriad of details that we could no longer handle on our own.  My best friends, my family, his family, our neighbors — they came out in full force with a happy willingness to help.

Why?  I don’t have a good answer.  My gratitude and appreciation and overwhelming sense of responsibility to this fabulous clan bubbles up from my heart and makes me giggle.

I’ll be honest, I often wondered what the point of the whole thing was… as recently as the day before our wedding day.  Vows spoken to a man you love – that can happen anywhere, with anyone or nobody around.  The very core of a marriage only requires two people and someone to make it official.  You don’t really need fancy dresses and rehearsed walking and twinkly lights.

But seeing the lengths to which your loved ones will go to help throw you a party to celebrate your life choices?  Priceless.  Every thank you I uttered, every token gift I handed over, every word I wrote – none of them good enough to express the unalterable feeling of being loved.

My husband and I were joined in marriage in a sunny clearing on the property of our first home by a long-time family friend of the groom, in front of our closest friends and family, all of whom showed their love for us by helping to make it happen.  My favorite line from Ruth 1:16 came true: “Your people will be my people….”

I’m not sure how much I’ll be blogging for the next little while, and frankly, I’m dreading recaps a little bit.  How can you articulate feelings that overwhelm you?  I’ve thought about doing my usual “learn from me by avoiding this” kind of post, but I don’t wanna.  As I said in my vows to my guy, I want to look forward with him and choose him every day of my life, until we can look back on a lifetime.  There’s little point in analyzing an event you’ll never repeat.

Don’t worry, though.  For you, my dear friends, I will tell the story – the story of how two people stubborn enough to try doing everything on their own learned that sometimes you can’t, and sometimes that’s the point.



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5 Responses to “I’m back… and life is good”

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congrats! time seemed to fly by while you were wedding and honeymooning! welcome back.

Congratulations and welcome back, I’m so glad you had such a wonderful wedding. I can imagine feeling the same way about recaps but I look forward to reading yours 🙂

I have been dying to read your return blog. And I am such a dork that i get excited that i get to read it on here before it’s put up on the “big boad” 🙂
Congrats…..I love how in your blog he is now your “hubby”. I love it and can’t wait to have a change in vocabulary too!
I don’t know how to tell you what your blog has meant to me…..you always seem to write about sometthing I need to hear. Right now with 2 months to go I feel overwhelmmed, stressed, lost and OVER IT all. Wanting to run away and just elope. Reading your words about the people who loved you and how much it all meant to you….really gives me the push to keep going. I know I always just say the same things over and over…but yet again…I read one of your posts in the exact perfect moment for me. You don’t realize when you write alone on a laptop about your deepest thoughts…that you really are touching another person. I thank you for your words…

Your posts always touch me…and I’m so glad to be reading here! Cheers and congrats and hugs.

Joey (aka Belle N Ga)

[…] that was it.  That was my moment.  My happy song, my people waiting, my almost-husband at the end of the trek, and I was standing […]

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    I’ve been there, done that, got the t-shirt (and divorce papers) to prove it. Here I am again, pledging my life to my (new) love with eyes wide open (and heart racing) knowing full well how emotionally traumatic this can end… and doing it anyway.


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