Yes, I have a few regrets

Posted on June 4, 2009. Filed under: Uncategorized |

Here I am again with one of those untouchable wedding topics: regrets.  I get it, really I do.  You don’t want to “shake the glitter off” (as was commented on my last post) and you don’t want to pay any attention to things you can’t rectify or get right the next time (because as of right now, I am never. going. through. that. again. Ever).

On the other hand, I’ve yet to meet a newly-minted wife (just-graduated bride?  What do we call ourselves now?) that doesn’t have regrets.  Like doubts, regrets are one of those shared experiences that we never share.  So I will share them, as they occur to me, more to scare them away with the light of honesty than anything else.

  • I wish I had done more of the little touches ahead of time.  By the time our wedding weekend rolled around, we were in full prioritization-by-fire mode, so little things got rushed.  I wrote thank you notes to my bridesmaids while getting my hair done.  I printed goofy little matchbook cards (“Come on baby, Light my fire”) and tags for the potted geraniums (“Take me home tonight/ I don’t want to let you go til you see the light/ Love, geranium”) at 2 am.  I handed over token gifts without wrapping them.  It seemed like a small thing beforehand – nobody’s going to love me less because I didn’t wrap their gifts – but overwhelmed with gratitude for the people who showed up early and stayed late, cleaned the bathroom and picked up any stray dog poos, I fervently wished that I’d put as much love into thanking them as they did into helping me.
  • I wish I’d done more little quirky funny things.  The crossword puzzles were a hit — well, for the people who found them in a stack by the snacks table — and I wish I’d done more of that.  An e-pic guest book would have been great.  I didn’t do it, thinking everyone had seen the pics by now, but HELLO they haven’t been living the All Wedding All the Time channel like we have, so having the pictures printed would have been great.  And thoughtful.  For our guests, our wedding was another glimpse into our lives and personalities, an attempt to get to know us just a little bit better by joining us in celebration.  With that perspective, I would have felt less narcissistic doing Out of Town bags with our favorite snacks, or salsa favors.
  • I wish I hadn’t been so uncomfortable directing people at our rehearsal.  Oh, how I hated to tell people what to do and where to go, so in the end, I waffled and got super duper stressed.  Which led to…
  • I wish I hadn’t snapped at my mom.  More than once.  I have called and apologized, because it was unwarranted, unbecoming, and unfair, but with so many people lobbing ideas at me about things they didn’t have opinions on when I asked just days earlier, I didn’t react very graciously.
  • Speaking of grace… I wish I hadn’t taken all of the help so personally, especially at first.  The day before our wedding was the highest point on the stress map for me.  People all over my house, cleaning and picking up and doing all of the things that we hadn’t gotten to sucked.  I mean, it was awesome, but I felt like such a slacker slob jerk for asking my friends to do all of this.  Because I was so stressed, everyone was worried about me, which made it all even worse.  I had a late night chat with my MOH and soon-to-be-hubby, and it was agreed that on our wedding day, I would hide out in my bedroom with drink in hand rather than trying to get things done.  Everyone was happier, it turned out.
  • I wish I’d understood — before I walked into the clearing full of people who had chosen to be with us — that their help was a blessing, freely and happily given, not a judgment on my slobbiness or planning and execution.  In exchange, all they were looking for was our happiness.  THAT was my responsibility, not the delegating of tasks.  Being happy.  Nobody wanted another thank you or grimace of embarrassment.  They just wanted to know that they made our day a little bit happier.  Thank goodness I’d figured that out by the time our actual wedding day rolled around.

I’m lucky.  None of my regrets involve my husband.  His vows were perfect, mine were heartfelt, and I was careful to be grateful and appreciative of him.  That day was a bubble day, a day in which he and I existed in a happy bubble and the outside world was just that – outside.

We didn’t have any real drama, and though we forgot to allow our parents to do toasts (and also, the ice cream bar, so we know have a ton of fattening ice cream in the freezer just calling our names) and I DIDN’T REMEMBER TO GO INSIDE AND PUT ON ONE OF THE SEVEN GORGEOUS BOLEROS MY MOM MADE FOR ME (what an idiot!), my regrets are that I didn’t understand the depth of love and appreciation I would feel, and thus was unprepared to give it back to the extent that I wanted.  I do believe that our peeps felt loved and appreciated by us, though.

I also have the opportunity to thank people now (more on that later), plus a chance to do those little lovey touches for our hometown reception over the Fourth of July.  I’m thinking homemade biscochos (wedding cookies, a la my late grandmother’s recipe) and potted geraniums in memory of both of my grandmothers, with the fully completed slideshow of our family pictures and wedding ceremony scrapbook should just about do the trick.  What do you think? (And whew, I feel better.  If you’re already married and want to share a regret or two, please do.  You’ll feel better afterward.)

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2 Responses to “Yes, I have a few regrets”

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I’m a first time bride-to-be and I love your honesty in your posts. As I get further into the wedding planning process I am getting stressed, terrified and overwhelmed,….and I still have over a year left!! It’s refreshing to know that I’m not the only one out there who experiences these feelings. I learn from other people’s mishaps (not mistakes) and I jot them down to make sure that on my BIG day and those days leading up to it that I am fully prepared for what is about come. Thank you again and congratulations to the newly wedded couple!

Very likely story for many brides..you are not alone. 🙂


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    I’ve been there, done that, got the t-shirt (and divorce papers) to prove it. Here I am again, pledging my life to my (new) love with eyes wide open (and heart racing) knowing full well how emotionally traumatic this can end… and doing it anyway.

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