It’s time.

Posted on July 10, 2009. Filed under: Uncategorized |

I was nervous.  Oh, so nervous.

After my hair was done,

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my makeup was on,

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I’d chosen jewelry,

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sent a few last minute messages,

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and grabbed my flowers,

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it was time.

Nine months of angst and soul-searching since he asked me to marry him, two years after I met him at a bar, and finally coming to terms with my past and the whole purpose of this wedding thing, it was time.

“Four minutes,” she said.  I thought I might vomit.

Marisa's Wedding and Rudy's Graduation 2009 022

Photo by my father

“The men are down there,” he assured me.  I regretted not taking a potty break.

Marisa's Wedding and Rudy's Graduation 2009 020

Photo by my father

“The music’s playing,” she said.  I wanted to pass out.

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“We’re off.  We love you,” they told me, just before smiling and heading down the hill – together, simply because I asked.  My stomach was in my throat.

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“Can we go now?  It’s time for the flower petals!”  I kissed my niece and sister and sent them on their way.  My hands were shaking.

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Suddenly, the decision to walk myself down the aisle didn’t seem like such a great idea.  Sure, the symbolism was clear, but I hadn’t anticipated not being able to move.

I prayed. “Dear God, I can’t do this.  I don’t think I’m up to it.  I can’t be a great wife and a great person and everything this marriage deserves.  And all of these people… they’ve worked so hard, spent so much money, been so amazing.  How am I worth all of this?  I don’t think I can do this.”

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I was going to cry.  And then, I heard the first few bars of my favorite song. “Sweet Pea, Apple of my eye….”

Played by my talented and supportive little brother, that song makes me smile, every time.  I call my husband, my cat, and any adorable little kid, “sweet pea.”

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And that was it.  That was my moment.  My happy song, my people waiting, my almost-husband at the end of the trek, and I was standing alone with myself.  If all of these people had faith in me, then so would I.  So I took a deep breath, and I took a step.   1555

And then another.

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And then another.

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And I was there.  It was time.

Marisa's Wedding and Rudy's Graduation 2009 030

Photo by my father.

Next up: our ceremony.

All photography by Angela Herzog of Angela Herzog Photography (www.angelaherzogphotography.com) unless otherwise noted.  Asterisks (*) indicate that post-processing was done by me, and thus, should not be held against her.  See this post for more details.

Late to the party? See previous recaps here:

Part I: And It Begins

Part II: My People, Part I

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5 Responses to “It’s time.”

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Everything looks so beautiful!

Too sweet!! Sounds perfect

[…] start by setting the stage.  Moments before, I’d said a prayer, borrowed faith in myself from my loved ones, and walked myself ….  If that’s not a literal enough […]

[…] by the love of my people and much less stressed or panicked or freaked about the stuff.  Sure, I had to take a few moments to gather myself, but that’s just me.  Our wedding day was wonderful, but looking back from my […]


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    About

    I’ve been there, done that, got the t-shirt (and divorce papers) to prove it. Here I am again, pledging my life to my (new) love with eyes wide open (and heart racing) knowing full well how emotionally traumatic this can end… and doing it anyway.

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