Book Recommendation: Emotionally Engaged by Allison Moir-Smith

Posted on December 12, 2008. Filed under: emotional | Tags: |


I’ve promised this book recommendation to a handful of readers who mentioned being disappointed with their engagement experience so far or surprised that it wasn’t all rainbows and butterflies. I’ve been there, too, let me tell ya, and this book helped get me back from the brink of meltdown.

Mr. Cheese and I had a very rough couple of months after we got engaged and I found this book on a desperate trip to the Barnes & Noble self-help aisles. I swear, angels sang and the sun began to shine as I started reading, because it’s not just platitudes. She clearly explains WHY you might be feeling stressed and overwhelmed, and offers exercises at the end of each chapter to help guide you through the rite of passage that is engagement.

The author is a psychotherapist who was taken aback by her feelings during her engagement. With her expertise and experience, she knew that the only way to start her marriage with a clean and happy slate was to deal with the emotions that came up, leading to a book to help guide other brides through an often stressful process.

The biggest takeaway for me was that OF COURSE I was feeling different now that we were engaged. OF COURSE I was not as easygoing as before.  I was now viewing our relationship through the lens of forever.  Suddenly, his “cute” inability to discipline the dog wasn’t so cute.  “You mean I have to deal with this for decades?  And what does it mean for us when we have kids? Argh!”

The book also helped clarify for me the point of an engagement.  I’ve blogged about it before, but I didn’t really understand that the engagement period is a rite of passage guiding you from single life into coupledom.  Viewed from that perspective, everything on my to-do list took on new meaning, and suddenly it was all very exciting.

So, if you’re newly engaged and feeling a little lost — emotionally or otherwise — or if you’ve been engaged and it’s not feeling like you thought it would, buy the book. And if you find a good deal, let me know.  I can’t seem to find mine, and I’ve been looking for it for weeks!  Once I replace it, I’ll do a more in-depth review.

Unless anyone objects, I’ll be posting more book reviews over the course of my Weddingbee blogging, covering topics relevant to couples, from finance to relationships to (of course) weddings.  I’ve bought a whole shelf-ful (hi, I’m a nerd), some of which were more worth the bucks than others.

Do you have any recommendations for me or other brides?  Have you read this one?  How do you feel about book reviews?


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2 Responses to “Book Recommendation: Emotionally Engaged by Allison Moir-Smith”

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    I’ve been there, done that, got the t-shirt (and divorce papers) to prove it. Here I am again, pledging my life to my (new) love with eyes wide open (and heart racing) knowing full well how emotionally traumatic this can end… and doing it anyway.


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